2 minute read
Why holidays turn you back into a teenager
Adult siblings carry the roles they were given: the responsible one, the baby, the peacemaker. Stress puts everyone back in costume.
Roles assigned in childhood persist for decades. Under stress, at a funeral, a wedding, or a parents’ care plan, everyone slips back into them without noticing.
Fairness between siblings rarely means equal. It means the criteria are explicit and agreed: time, money, proximity, capacity.
The first step is to write the unwritten rules down. Most families are surprised by which ones nobody actually agreed to.
Each list the roles you think each sibling holds. Compare. Ask who chose them.
Where this comes from: Family systems research on sibling position and adult sibling relationships.
If this is your situation
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