2 minute read
Talking so it lands
One person holds the floor, the other paraphrases before replying. Being summarised accurately is most of what feeling heard is.
The Speaker–Listener technique from the PREP programme is simple and slightly awkward, which is why it works: the awkwardness slows everything down.
The speaker holds the floor, speaks for themselves, keeps it short. The listener paraphrases what they heard, no rebuttal, and checks: "did I get that?" Then swap.
Only after both have been heard do you problem-solve. Most arguments try to solve before anyone has been heard.
Hidden issues drive the big reactions to small triggers: power, caring, recognition, commitment. If a tiny thing blew up, ask which hidden issue it touched.
Ten minutes, one topic, the floor rule. Swap halfway. No solving.
Where this comes from: Markman, Stanley & Blumberg, Fighting for Your Marriage (PREP).
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