2 minute read
What actually harms children when parents split
Four decades of research point at one thing, and it is not the separation itself.
Children whose separated parents keep conflict away from them do about as well as children in intact families. Children caught in continuing conflict do worse — regardless of who has them, how often, or how fair the arrangement is.
That is why the number Sameside asks you for every week is how much conflict the children saw or heard, and not how you feel about their other parent.
It also means the bar is lower than it feels. You do not have to like each other, agree, or forgive anything. You have to keep it away from them.
Before you say anything about their other parent, ask whether you would say it if they were standing behind you.
Where this comes from: Reducing Parental Conflict programme (UK); Amato; Kelly & Emery.
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